This is Not Tech Writing

I Will Kill Your Sons, And Ravage Your Daughters: I Am Between Jobs.

My contract is up in a week.

I do not enjoy unemployment. Two weeks off? Fuck yeah. Stay-cation. I’mma drink, and clean my house, and ride bikes. Unemployment is not a vacation. It is the POW camp of the ongoing genocidal war that is having a career. Sometimes it’s just boring, like being captured by the Vichy. Sometimes it’s fucking Dachau. People DIE out there, man.

Job-hunting is like siege warfare. You are hungry. You are beating yourself against walls. Some of your friends are next to you, also starving. Others are on the other side of the wall. You must choose: do you help the guy next to you? Do you bribe the ones inside? How much do you lie? What is the line between justified betrayal and inexcusable misconduct?

And like war, it’s RANDOM. It’s so easy to get fucked out of a job. There are so many known unknowns. And unknown unknowns. You can be super magic choice number one, and all it takes is a fucked budget or someone’s asshole cousin needing a favour to screw you out of your bread and butter.

Fun fact: only about 20-30% of jobs are advertized publicly. In fields like writing, editing, design, animation, you need to fucking know people. However, this does not mean you should ignore Monster, Job Bank, Kijiji, etc. Remember: the random factor.

Also, that shit is hilarious.

I present: Writing Jobs in Ottawa, May 2, 2012.